You’re having one of those days where you get sucked into social media feeds. And you’re scrolling and clicking away, generating negative thoughts on what you’re seeing. Do you even notice?
That’s what I thought. Doing this has a name. It’s called negative thinking. Fancy stuff, eh?
Here are a few examples of negative thoughts while scrolling. It took me about five seconds to come up with this list, because I have negative thoughts too:
- Everyone is doing better than I am
- She got a book deal/big agent/award/big story published and I did not
- I’m never going to be as good a photographer as she is
- She has so many more followers than I do
- He’s always so clever on Twitter and I’m not
- So much is happening and I’m missing out.
Does this sound familiar? Especially now, when we aren’t having normal lives and there’s much more anxiety in our worlds. And, as you might imagine, negative thinking can be a soul suck.
I’m not talking about doomscrolling, which is when you keep surfing through depressing or sad news. It’s more about feeling envy, jealousy, or competitiveness.
But it’s not the end of the world to have negative thoughts. It’s not that hard to change a pattern that doesn’t serve you.
How do you deal with negative thoughts while on social media? Three ideas:
1. Notice them. That’s always the first step. If you don’t even notice that you’re beating yourself up with this negativity, you can’t make headway. You might get caught up in a cycle that leads to more negativity. But if you do notice, you can work on it and more easily let go of negative thoughts, or direct your attention elsewhere (Fun cat videos! Or actual work!).
2. Counter with positive thoughts. Instead of just negative thoughts, why not add some positive ones? High levels of positive thoughts correlate with higher levels of happiness. Do we compliment ourselves regularly? No. Try some of these: I’m doing so well with social media. I am not at the bottom of the pile. I have had three successes lately (name them).
You might not know what to say at first, or this might feel phony. That’s okay. Keep noticing and responding positively. You could also say, “So what if I don’t have the same size following?” or something like that.
3. Counter with gratitude. Be grateful for all you have achieved. If you have a bio somewhere, read it and be impressived with yourself. Appreciate the people who believe in you and love to respond to whatever you post.
That’s it. I’m no therapist, but doing these three things work for me. I learned them from a free online course I recommend all the time, called The Science of Happiness.
It’s worth trying to do something about your negative thinking patterns, because otherwise they can lead to burnout and decreased levels of self esteem. And I don’t know about you but I don’t need more issues to deal with this year!
What works for you? We could all use more tips these days.
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You might also like: Who Thinks You’re a Good Writer?
(Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.)
This is a timely piece in so many ways right now, Dianne. Thank you for these tips.
Kate
Thank you Kate. I appreciate hearing from you.
Counter not just with gratitude, but with research. Is what the person/organization/entity posting really true? You may not be able to fact-check the amounts of peoples’ book deals. But there are other numbers CAN check.
And if you can’t find the true numbers, you can do one thing my mother always advised: I-G-N-O-R-E T-HE-M. Because you are doing the best you can. And only you can do what you do.
These are great positive messages, Suzanne. I am doing the beest I can. I can only do what I can do. Those sound reasonable to me.
It’s kind of hard to check out someone else’s claims, but I guess it’s possible in some situations.
Of course you do the best you can! We all do.
I’d start with publicly asking them: “Really??” Maybe because I expect “imposter syndrome” to kick in if a person is challenged by a peer. Especially if the person is a woman, sadly. We are conditioned to crumple under scrutiny. 🙁
Yes, it’s easy to feel bad. Besides tips 1,2, and 3, I follow some advice I got from a good friend years ago, “Counter jealousy with generosity.” If I read about someone who made a splash, published a big article, or landed a book deal, and I feel that green pang, I make myself send them a congratulatory message. In doing that, besides feeling genuinely happy for them, I see the world as full of good things, that eventually will also come my way.
Lovely message, Anna. It’s a world view that there’s enough good things for everyone. I admire your approach!
Dianne, I don’t really have this problem. About the only time it pops up is when I see a food blogger tweet about a super-simple, unoriginal recipe that’s been around for decades and calls for ingredients like a can of this and that and a box of cake mix … —and I see she has hundreds of times more followers than I and this tweet has been retweeted hundreds of times, and then I click the link and find hundreds of comments gushing about her fabulous recipe, and then I discover hundreds of bloggers have posted the recipe, crediting her with the back-of-the-package recipe that’s been around since before she was born … Well, I don’t need to go on, I’m sure. Other than that, I’m good.
Hahaha. That’s a different emotion Jean. More like shadenfreude or however you spell it.
Noooo! Schadenfreude would mean I was taking pleasure in those people’s failure. They are not failing—they are, for some reason, succeeding wildly!
I just learned about you last night, decided to subscribe and I’m glad I did! This piece was right on time for me and resonated in so many levels. Thanks.
HI Stefani, I’m so happy to read this. Welcome!
That’s a different emotion, Jean. If I read about someone who made a splash, published a big article, or landed a book deal, and I feel that green pang. It’s kind of hard to check out someone else’s claims, but I guess it’s possible in some situations.