Yep, it’s a real shocker. Nathalie Dupree, a beloved Grand Dame of the food world, has more to discuss than cooking.
The rest of us do too, because we have a life that goes beyond cooking. But most of us don’t have her guts.
To be clear, Nathalie posts about lots of things on Facebook to her 7000+ friends:
- Politics
- Funny signs
- Questions, such as: “Do you know Jewish people who eat Chinese food on Christmas? Tell me more!”
- Personal stories and rememberances
- Funny statements, such as “I wish I had been born later so I could wear straggled uncombed hair like the models do” and “I’d think I got up on the wrong side of the bed, except my cute husband was there.”
- Her video recipes from the Post and Courier
- Cat stories and cat videos.
But last week, this is what she wrote in connection with the #MeToo campaign and Harvey Weinstein:
“The first time I was abused was when a girl relative and I were about seven and a man came up to us where we were playing and fondled us. My parents called the police and we went to the station to tell them.
The second time was when I was ten and my father had gone to Germany, my three year old brother was in the hospital and my Mother was very distracted. My father’s best friend abused me for months and then I told my mother. She called the police and they took him to court. His sentence was he had to move out of state.
Then a man exposed himself to me when he asked me for directions. Then there were two brutal rapes before I was twenty five. I told the police both times. The first time they didn’t believe me because he hadn’t ejaculated. Could any man with a stocking around his face? The second they said there was nothing they could do. In between there was a boss in New York who chased me around the stencil machine and told me if I didn’t go away with him that weekend not to call me back. I slunk home to Virginia and cried for weeks. I remember this and much more still.”
Has there been backlash? No. Her post has more than 600 supportive comments and 30 shares. And almost 400 likes. There is now a closed #MeToo group for women to join, as a result.
So many people are afraid to reveal themselves on Facebook. But Nathalie Dupree did it anyway.
To find out why, I interviewed her:
Q. Why are you okay with disclosing personal things? The rest of us are afraid that people will judge us.
A. I think I’ve been open for so long. When you do as much television as I have you don’t have any secrets. They see the worst of you and the best of you. I don’t feel like I have a lot to hide.
I did wrestle with what I wrote about sexual abuse. It was a big relief not to wrestle with the writing. Now I feel liberated by it.
I also feel a little afraid or concerned. Whenever you tell someone you’ve been sexually abused, you feel that you will feel judged – that you were promiscuous or lesser than. That you didn’t have any value. That if someone knows, they might take advantage of you.
Q. What about the people who say you should stick to food?
A. Food writing is wider than just food.
Food is control. Food is power. People who were abused go into food to get their power back.
I wrote about food and relationships for the Atlanta Constitution. And in my book, Matters of Taste. It has things about going to the high school reunion and seeing an old boyfriend. About people who have gained weight and people who are still skinny. About how I had divorced parents and both their spouses died and I had to arrange a breakfast so they could see each other.
I like writing about food and relationships. That’s what I’m able to do on Facebook.
Q. But when you wrote about rape it wasn’t about food.
A. When I write about cats it’s not either.
Q. Touché. When did you know you loved Facebook?
A. As soon as I got on! It was a really good home for me, because I work alone so much of the time, and I have these funny thoughts or something I want to share, and it’s right there. I have friends and students and I love touching in with them. It’s a perfect vehicle for my life.
Q. Clearly, you don’t feel like you have to stick to your brand, only talking about food.
A. I’m an old lady. I didn’t come up in the time when you were supposed to brand. So I’ve decided to just post what I want. I don’t post what I fix for dinner every night. I don’t get it. It’s not the most important thing that I’ve fixed a good meal.
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For more on Nathalie Dupree, read her astonishing bio and make sure you watch the video on the left-hand side.
P.S. Inspired by Nathalie, I wrote my own #MeToo post. And I wrote this freelance piece about workplace harassment for the Ms. magazine blog a while ago.
(Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link.)
I love Nathalie and am honored and privileged to be able to call her a (Facebook) friend. Her posts lift me up, make me smile, but her honesty also gives me courage to be open and honest, as well. Whenever I hesitate about putting something out there for everyone to read, I think “well, if Nathalie can then so can I!” She is so highly respected and so adored by so many that it is refreshing to see her put everything out there on display, her wit and humor, her anger and snark, her politics and her opinion. About food, not about food. As she says, we are who we are and all of the separate parts/sides of us are all joined in the middle and make us who we are. If we are afraid to share our opinion, experience, or knowledge then there will never be discussion.
Lovely, Jamie. I put my #MeToo post up on Facebook after reading hers. I thought the same thing: If Nathalie can then so can I!
Just feeling so sad, reading this story, but not sad in a bad way. Just feeling like praying for a blesssing for her, lift her and make a victory for her. Since she can write about her experience, it seeems she has been blessed and move way beyonnd those terrible, awful experiences. It seems like nothing is going to beat her up and she will be the victor, which she is, big time! The fright and fear, confusion, disgust you feel are demons you face and push back, giving yourself room to grow!
That’s the right attitude, Sally. We have to get past these things and keep going. There is no other satisfing alternative!
There is no forgetting, sadly. Experiences such as Nathalie’s stay there in the back of the mind forever and you never can erase those memories. You can move beyond and live your best, usually more compassionate and caring, life. .Nathalie is a great example of someone who understands this and who has triumphed. I am inspired, and so proud of her!
It all started with a cookbook. I bought “Mastering The Art of Southern Cooking” and loved it. During one of Charleston’s “Second Sunday” events, she was signing that book. While passing by I told her how much I enjoyed the cookbook and started to walk on. She called me back, autographed a large label and gave it to me so that I could place it in my book. I didn’t forget that brief meeting. Later I saw she had a Facebook page, I believe through a local history page she commented on. She accepted my friend request and I was expecting to learn some cooking tips. WOW! What I read is unvarnished, straight from the shoulder, thoughts on a very wide range of topics from a smart, caring, involved person. How lucky am I?
Pretty lucky! And her page is public, so anyone can see her posts. I hope all these stories get codified into a memoir one day soon.
Good grief. The words aren’t even coming. No one should have to go through this. I’m amazed by her grace.
Me too. And the fact that she is a great storyteller.
Natalie is always inspiring. And she is right, we cookbook authors have lives outside cooking – it makes us who we are, shapes our personality, our perspective and our work ethic – which brings us full circle to our work – food and food writing. Controlling our environment becomes a part of the equation, and food brings us closer to people we truly care about – our families of blood, and our readers – the families of ‘cookbook lovers’. Let not a career title superseed our humanity – because we are humans first – the first original title we were given.
It makes us appealing to readers to integrate more of ourselves into our work — what makes us human, particularly. We are so much more than recipes. Apparently this idea frightens many food writers, who don’t feel they can divulge.
Bullies benefit from fear. We are better than that.
I love Nathalie. I feel honored to be her virtual fb friend. I have enjoyed her shows for many decades and still do. Nathalie has always been a warm and original person.
She has a lot of fans! I love that you’re still watching her shows, Melanie.