My most recent shot from 2014. I put it on my Facebook page. (Photo by Sean Neild)
I had a big birthday recently, and was rather shocked to see the photos. I had aged, and I didn’t like it.
It’s because I’m accustomed to seeing a younger me online. In Internet years I am up to 10 years younger.
The thing is, I like those old shots quite a bit. But this year, I forced myself to post a more current mug shot (right), which I still didn’t put on my professional website.
Sound familiar? Here’s how old I am in Internet years:
This is on my website home page, taken at a 2012 conference. I also put this photo in my quarterly newsletter. (Photo by Jonathan Pollack)
This one still appears on my Services page. I’m signing the second edition of Will Write for Food, which came out in 2010. (Photo by Barbara Kuck)
Here’s a photo from 2008 that appears on my Twitter page. It’s a professional mug shot. I thought I was old then! (Photo by Pam Zacharias)
This photo from 2005 still appears on my Media Mentions page. It’s from when the first edition of Will Write for Food debuted. (Photo by Owen Rubin)
Yes, I’ll admit, I like seeing photos of myself
- younger,
- less wrinkled, and
- thinner.
I know I’m not alone. Have you ever done a double take when you meet someone in person who has a younger Internet headshot?
But shouldn’t I get over it, and isn’t this a feminist issue? Aging isn’t acceptable for women in the first place, and here I am reinforcing that view. Even Cameron Diaz has spoken out.
So I have some questions:
- Should we all stop being vain and embrace our age online? If so, I’m trying this software.
- If not, how far back is acceptable?
- Are you guilty too? If you dare, send a link of your mug and tell me the date.
I’ve been waiting for this post, and look forward to reading everyone’s insights!
For me, it’s really not so much about aging (maybe because I’m “only” 36) as it is about finding a good new author photo to use. I don’t love being photographed, and it’s a whole production to set up a shoot for a new one. I’ve had nice photos of me taken over the years for articles and such, but then I don’t own the copyright and when I’ve inquired about licensing the photo from the photographer, the cost was prohibitive.
I do have plans to finally get a shoot organized with a photographer friend in the spring — when the light is nicer! — so we’ll see how that turns out.
You are such a youngster, Clotilde! Still, it would be nice to have an up-to-date photo. The one you’ve been using is iconic by now — it’s everywhere.
You raise good points about photos being a hassle and a production, but hey, you’re going to get a new one soon anyway. Congrats!
In the age of Instagram filters, everyone looks ten years younger, even in their current photos. 😉
Hah! That is true. I suppose we can all be our current age more happily with PhotoShop.
I’m 57 and been online since the beginning of Internet. Yes there are pics I would love to make disapear… we all have those days. And it’s hard to see how cruel a camera can be when one used to be wuite photogenic.
But now I smile and think I like the “older me” because it reflects my life and personality. And if others don’t like what they see they are only judging on the surface!
Besides the most important is to be young at heart & wise in years & always true to yourself.
Merry Christmas
What a great attitude, Karin. Those are three good things to remember and I will work on that.
My photos are older too but it is only because it seems so much trouble to get a new shot of myself, not exactly being a photogenic individual. Still, I view it as a blessing to get older, and I think my friends look as beautiful today as when I first met them so many years ago. I’ve seen you in person Dianne and view you the same way as such. Thank you for all the years’ worth of valuable information and expertise you have shared. Wishing you a very Happy New Year, and many picture perfect photos ahead!
What a lovely compliment, Peggy, thank you. And you’re welcome. It has been my pleasure. Yes it is some trouble and expense to get a shot set up, I agree, but we do seem to put it off for way too long.
I’m 57 and have been blogging for over four years now, and my photos have been current since the beginning. I just had new headshots taken this year and use them on the blog and social media. I confess, there may have been just a ‘bit’ of photoshopping involved. As Karin says, above, sometimes the camera can be cruel (or relentlessly realistic, lol). I blame the indoor light of the studio and the fact I had the photos done at the end of my ‘annus horriblus’ (Queen Elizabeth isn’t the only one who had one of those). I don’t consider that soft filter misrepresentation; just showing myself in my best light — and why put up a picture that makes me feel bad? I do try to be authentic online, and that includes owning my age. Not that it’s something I talk about much, but that’s authentic too — it’s just a number and mine still takes me by surprise sometimes because I’m the same person I’ve always been (if marginally wiser and somewhat more weathered).
Brava!
Yeah, no point in putting up a photo that makes you feel bad. Even though I am older in my 2014 photo, I think I look pretty good! So much of it is in our heads, as you point out, so we may as well make the best of it.
I turned 50 the other day. My internet self was few years younger. The photo I was using was the visual version of me that I liked best. I haven’t taken any recent photos that I like of myself. The camera picks up every thing I’d like to erase. How I feel and I how I look now don’t seem to match. I feel like I’m 25 but certainly don’t look it. I switched to using my logo as a profile picture for Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. However, I know people may connect better with me if I had a photos of myself. Your article has me now questioning a lot about myself and how I feel about aging and how I should embrace 50. Thank you.
The commenters are doing a better job of telling us to embrace our age than I did! But I’m glad you are considering getting a current photo of yourself. I say go for it! I’m getting a professional shot done in 2016, I’ve decided.
This post and your question “Have you done a double take…?” remind me of when I was single and tried online dating. Talk about a double take! Oof! Many of those dates were short lived. And interesting, my dates that lasted through a beverage and a meal often mentioned they were relieved that I looked like my photo. Both women and men put earlier photos of themselves online. Glad I’m a Mrs. now and THAT is behind me. hehehe
I recently did an updated head shot and have it on all of my SM media channels and website. I paid $100 and a hot meal to the photographer, (a pediatric doctor who knows his way around a camera). He came to my house and it took several hours. It is a process. I too am selective about other shots of me online as well. Some days I just don’t want to present like the weirdo I am. I mean, I can make some faces that are just not pretty, no matter how authentic they are!
I don’t think it’s wrong to want to present ourselves in the best light. I mean, we make the biggest fuss over our food photography. And while that isn’t the best analogy, I think in our digital age and endless quest to look and do and feel our best, it’s only natural to want to “put our best foot forward.” Besides, not everyone has glorious gray hair under all that blond. *coughs lightly.
I wish I had a photo or two to share with you from when I had the restaurant in the early 90s. While I had far fewer wrinkles, I was often wearing a food-stained white apron, hair pulled back, no makeup and glasses. I’ll take my older, lightly edited head shot any day.
Thanks for taking me back to those memories! Have a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year Dianne!
Amen Sister !
Good attitude, Maureen. Loved those stories about blind dates. I could share a few as well.
And I love the association with how much we style and fuss with our food photos — so shouldn’t we want to do that to ourselves? There is software for that, but so far my photos are all untouched, as I assume yours are.
I do use Photoshop to enhance and crop when needed, but I don’t use tricks or fake food which I’d like to think is on the back burner, but I live in the woods behind my laptop and in my kitchen mostly, so I don’t know what others are really doing! Happy New Year, btw!
This is a very interesting dilemma for women in particular and I’ve decided to tackle it head on! I’m in my 6th decade (kicking and screaming all the way) and last year decided to stop coloring my hair – for many reasons, obvious FRAUD being the main one – turns out my hair is a glorious color of silver with white highlights around my face that softens and flatters my skin color and makes my blue-green eyes pop (especially when I wear mascara) I had professional photos taken a few months back and if you look on my Facebook, twitter, pinterest and google pages… yup, that’s me as I am today.
If we, as women, are not willing to be ourselves and have pride in how we look now there is no hope for future generations of women to share the sexist ageism. I want to be a good role model for my daughters (my oldest, who is 35 is already bemoaning getting old… come on!) We must be wiling to be the wise women.. to share our experience and knowledge… and have pride in our appearance at every age. I’m not saying to let yourself go, what I am advocating is to let go of the attachment to being young looking. Embrace your age and be gorgeous no matter how old you are. I promise you are fooling no one, only making yourself feel bad about being the age that you are.
Sexy, gorgeous older goddesses …. that’s who we want to be. Women who have earned the right to be respected,admired and honored for their experience. Right?
Excellent advice. This is the right attitude.
I did go to your home page so see how you look with silver hair and I’m not sure I found the right photo, as it appears to be brown. Regardless, you are gorgeous anyway.
Everyone who has commented so far is younger than me. I’ve never liked having my picture taken, even when I was young and beautiful. Now, I am 77 and not so young and beautiful, but here’s what I did last summer. I had my hair done, touched up my face, and disappeared upstairs to the extra bedroom with my iphone. After a bunch of shots, I found 2 or 3 that were “acceptable” and those are the ones I have been using for SM and my website.
Looking very good, Shirl. It’s nice that you just did it yourself with your iPhone.
You are so right once again Dianne. I’m 55 and have never have been ashamed of my age (because it’s not like we chose what year to be born) but I am lazy about updating photos and the one on my site is 8 years out of date. The truth is that it’s worthwhile to pay someone with talent to shoot your photo, but lacking the funds to do that, remember that it’s all about the lighting. Natural light will make everyone look better, just as it does with food. No matter how much post-production is available, even with that cool software, start with good lighting. And stay away from FaceTime! That makes EVERYONE look old (I recently disabled it on my phone so I never accidentally push that button and see myself from chin-side).
Thanks for these tips, Tori. This post backs up the one about natural lighting: http://www.backstage.com/advice-for-actors/backstage-experts/7-tips-better-headshot/
It is not necessarily expensive to have a professional take your headshot. One of the commenters said she paid $100 plus dinner and I paid $150 for a professional photographer who drove to my Oakland house from San Francisco! She took photos of me outside and gave me some shiny lip gloss on top of it.
Re chin side, yeah, that is awful. I try to put my chin down when posing for photos.
Age is meaningless, Dianne. it’s what we choose to do to satisfy our creative instincts and to be kind and unjudgmental that matter most.
You always look great. I’ve known you for many years and you haven’t changed a bit. Neither have I, come to think of it.
That’s a beautiful sentiment, Greg. I shall aspire to it. And thanks for the compliment. Come to think of it, you don’t seem any different than when I met you over a decade ago.
Thanks Dianne for bringing up this topic. Since my rebranded blog started in August, my photo is up to date. I write a monthly food column for a local neighborhood magazine and the photographer who takes the photos was gracious enough to take one of me and let me use it. I just turned 65, but most people are shocked when they meet me. I usually get, oh I thought you were in your 40’s. Gotta love them. I think I’m good with my photo for awhile. Just wish I had started this blog adventure years ago. I do envy the 30-somethings.
Looking good, Carol! That’s great that you have a current photo.
Don’t worry about starting a blog recently and feeling like you are behind. There are people who only started a few years ago who are very successful bloggers. They do tend to be younger than us, though.
Since I use social media to drive real life interactions, I try and keep my profile photos as current as possible. Generally that means I change my key profile photos at least once a year.
Though I freely admit to picking the most flattering photos (both personally and profesionally flattering).
I encourage everyone around me, who worries about photos making them look x, y or z, to start taking selfies. Just for their own purposes, privately, to figure out how to minimize those x,y and z “issues” when they are photographed by others.
It also has 3 great backup benefits: 1. It makes them more comfortable in from of a camera resulting in better photos, 2. Produces more profile photo fodder and more importantly 3. Generally it makes people more comfortable with their own face.
Yes of course, there’s nothing wrong with picking the most flattering photos of yourself. I do the same. I need a lot of practice when it comes to selfies! Maybe I should take your advice. I can barely get the camera at the right angle!
Like most things, it’s all about playing around enough that you don’t take it too seriously. Give yourself a 7-day challenge: 2 selfies a day for 7 days. (They can be 2 in a row, or evn 4 in a row, just mix up the angle and your expression… Click-shift,click-shift) And now is the perfect time since you likely will be out and about a bit more during the holidays.
And possibly wearing make-up and having combed hair, which is different from working at home! Thanks.
Thank you so much Dianne, you actually inspired me to change my profile picture. It was about time too. I kept postponing it not so much because of age but because I didn’t seem to like anything. So today we went to the park and my husband kept shooting and I finally felt this was me. I looked at your pictures and you don’t look older, you look happy actually. I think the way you feel can also influence the way you look. Age is not important as long as you feel comfortable in your own skin.
Gorgeous photo, Maria. How wonderful to have your husband take a nice shot of you. Thanks for saying I don’t look older. That’s a nice compliment. I do feel happier than ever, so aging has turned out not to be a bad thing at all. I hope the same is true for you.
What a fun and honest post, Dianne. When, after “pre”-tiring from The Seattle Times, I recently (and finally!) got my website up and running, I chose my favorite photo for the home page, despite its age. I did this in large part because I love it, but also because it’s been the one long associated with my social brand. Truth: it was taken (gulp) 8 years ago. In those eight years, I’ve gained weight, turned 50 six times and (nod to the late, great Nora Ephron) have a classic case of “I Feel Bad About My Chin and Neck” to prove it. But: I also used more contemporary shots from 2014 that I had in my possession, or paid The Seattle Times for rights to use. None were Photoshopped, nor touched up. All were made by professional photographers who know a thing or three about lighting. (See here: http://www.nancyleson.com/) When it comes to “important” photos, my suggestion is: leave it to the pros. For the record, I’m often stopped in public by people who say “I recognize you from your Twitter photo” — the oldest one. My husband, who sees me at my worst, daily, says I look “way younger” in that photo than I do in real life. He also says that about the most recent shot, taken a year and half ago. Damn him.
That photo of you is fantastic, Nancy. I can see why you would be loathe to change it. And I agree that a professional photo is worth the money. I got lots of mileage out of mine. Re what other people say, you have to go with what you think is best. I’m due for a new professional photo this year, I decided. I’ll try not to procrastinate too long.