Kathleen Flinn has published three acclaimed food memoirs.
A guest post by Kathleen Flinn
Who writes three food memoirs? Before they’re 50 years old, no less? There’s me, Ruth Reichl, Nigel Slater… it’s not a long list. Food memoirs are tricky, though. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way:
1. Conflict drives narrative.
Your grandmother might have made beautiful dumplings. You may be obsessed with kumquats. But does your story pass what my journalism mentor called the “Who Cares” test?
Ultimately, readers keep turning pages because they want to find out what happens. Publishers like non-fiction that reads like fiction. This means understanding fundamentals of story. There’s a dilemma that drives the protagonist to action, plus a story with a narrative arc replete with conflict and obstacles, a climax and a resolution.
The biggest issue I see in my students’ memoir concepts, proposals or manuscripts is that nothing happens. There’s a lot of description and maybe some interesting culinary history, but the story doesn’t move.
2. No one loves a perfect heroine.
When writing the original proposal for The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry, I left out the embarrassing moments. My husband, who works as a developmental story editor with authors and screenwriters, warned me this was not a good idea. An editor at a major New York house read that version and sent this email to my agent: “I’m afraid to say it, but as it is there’s just something not likeable about her on the page.”
The “her,” of course, was me.
Mike hired another editor to provide fresh perspective. I told her all these funny stories about things that went wrong at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, including a horrifying scene involving a duck rolling around on the floor. A day later, she called. “Where’s the duck story?” I told her that I left it out, along with other less flattering material. “No, you don’t get it. You have to be willing to be vulnerable and make mistakes. Otherwise, how can readers root for you?”
I put all the embarrassing stuff back in. The duck story was excerpted in newspapers and magazines on three continents.
A flawed main character is a key concept of “a hero’s journey,” a method of storytelling that lends itself well to memoir. Find and articulate your own physical, emotional or spiritual journey. Embrace those awful, cringe worthy moments. Make fun of yourself. Be imperfect. Bumble. Be real. Drop that duck. So when something goes right, readers can cheer.
3. You need an editor, or at least a writing coach.
The hardest part about writing a memoir isn’t what to put in, but what to leave out.
It’s tough to be objective about your own story. This isn’t some article on holiday pies. It’s your life. You need someone to tell you, “You know, your aunt’s birthday scene is pretty long and it isn’t moving the narrative forward. You should cut it.” Even if you initially get defensive ( “But you loved that aunt! You loved that scene!”) you will be grateful later when your proposal or book leaves out one overwritten clunker anecdote after another.
Be warned, editing can be a messy process. Mike and I have had some tough discussions and major disagreements. He even unfriended me on Facebook in the heat of one exchange. (I yelled back, “I know your password, I can always friend myself!”)
Find someone you respect and trust. Try not to take feedback too personally. A good editor can keep you focused, find a compelling narrative line and even help you develop your voice. It will cost money, but trust me, it is a worthy investment.
4. Get your facts right, and remember that recipes are not “filler.”
I’ve heard from hundreds of readers who have made recipes in my books. One even sent me 22 photos of his process of making a veal en croute.
So when my manuscript is almost ready to go to my publisher, I hand it off to a professional recipe copy editor and two fact checkers to assure all of my culinary research is dead on. I pay for this myself.
Why? A memoir is non-fiction. You may take some creative license with telling your story, but your facts have to be right, and the recipes must work. You’re got to be willing to put in the hours, gather the research, organize the testers (I now have a group of more than 200 volunteers) to assure your recipes work, or consider not including them.
5. When you write about real people, you will portray them differently than they perceive themselves.
Memory is highly imperfect. Some people will not like what you write about them. Do your best to be true and right, but know that you might still get it wrong from someone else’s perspective.
If you’re going to make people into characters in your book, consider giving them a preview. If there are any problems, it’s better to get them sorted before your book goes to print. Also, I’ve learned from doing so that people often volunteer details that make the story better.
It’s a good idea to get signed releases from the people your write about in a memoir if you use their real names. For Burnt Toast Makes You Sing Good, Viking/Penguin asked for signed releases from all of my family members – even my mother!
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Kathleen Flinn is the author of the The New York Times bestseller, The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry, now published in nine languages. Her second book, The Kitchen Counter Cooking School, was named a 2012 Book of the Year by the American Society of Journalists & Authors. Her third book with Viking/Penguin, Burnt Toast Makes You Sing Good, is a finalist in the IACP Awards and was a finalist in the Goodreads Choice Awards. Her blog is CookFearless.com.
I have so enjoyed meeting you, most recently at a writing seminar here in San Diego. I can’t imagine writing a memoir of any kind, such a difficult task, and am amazed you have churned out three terrific ones.
Thanks for you kind note! I do have to admit, my family was fine with this one, but they were concerned that I might go all David Sedaris on them and start taking notes at Thanksgiving. So I am shifting back to some less personal non-fiction and even trying my hand at fiction for my next two books.
Kathleen, I’m grateful for you sharing the five essentials of food memoir writing, in particular because it is interesting to see what transpires in the background leading up to this process. The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry was quite fun and interesting to read, I did enjoy you including your recipe training processes too which indeed added to the story line. I look forward to reading your other two books shortly. There is nothing like a good food memoir,Thanks again.
Thanks, I think all three are quite different, actually. Sharper was about my contemporary, personal life while the second book was rather more journalistic and about the lives of others. The last one, Burnt Toast Makes You Sing Good, was mostly about my parents and grandparents and how cooking changed their lives. You’ll have to read them and let me know what you think…
Thanks for sharing. I love the part about being an imperfect heroine.
I was wondering if you think there is still a market for food memoirs? I have been working on a proposal for one since hearing you speak two years ago. But I hear they have become difficult or impossible to sell.
As an editor recently told me, there’s always a market for a compelling story. I do think it’s tough to sell certain kinds of memoirs now as there were multiple entries into a good category (I’m thinking baking or pastry, for instance(. David Leite of Leite’s Culinaria recently sold a food memoir and the book, “It Was Me All Along” by the lovely Andie Mitchell is doing gang busters, leading an agent to tell me last weekend that there’s a sudden interest individual stories about struggles with weight and personal identity. So there’s definitely still an interest, the key is identifying that great story which with readers can identity.
Hi Kathleen and Dianne,
This is a great list and advice from hiring a coach to leaving out anecdotes. I especially appreciate the part about the publisher wanting a release!
I love it that you are so willing to put it out there. The unfriend thing on FB with Mike? Too funny.
I’m curious about the coaching aspect of memoir. My WIP memoir is ripe for a coach, but I’m not sure how that works. Could you tell a little more about your experience and/or services? I didn’t see a dedicated space on your website for your services.
Lastly, I read the Amazon “look inside” of “The Sharper Your Knife” and ordered it. One thing I know about writing memoir is to read other good memoirs.
I’d say you’re in good company with Ruth Reichl and Nigel Slater. I look forward to reading about your world too.
Thanks,
Thanks for the nice words! I don’t really do coaching now as I don’t have time as I’m writing two books this year. Mike still does limited coaching. I must say that I hear the official author of this blog is quite good 🙂
Most coaches have an hourly rate from $45 to $125 an hour depending on their experience. Others offer a package rate to get a proposal or manuscript to a certain point. Some offer a free consultation. I wouldn’t make cost the No. 1 decider, though. The key is finding someone who you like, trust and respect. It helps if you develop a good rapport, too.
Yes, I hear she is extremely good too! And I trust, like, and respect her! I guess I didn’t realize she did memoir. Thanks and good luck with the books.
I love this guest post about food memoir writing. It’s so insightful, yet simply said. Kathleen is one of the best and I enjoyed her book “The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry”. Looking forward to reading her new memoir. Thanks, Kathleen. And thanks for sharing this, Dianne.
Thanks Betty Ann. I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on how the new book compares to Sharper. To me, I think the new book is an evolved version of my voice and style.
I not only signed up to get updates for your blog but I’ve ordered your first book and will purchase the other two. Blogging is totally new although I love to tell stories and I have several Ruth Reichl books but I haven’t read anything by Nigel Slater. I guess one of the best things is to find what you like and study the craft. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
Great! I have learned so much reading other writers! Ruth and Nigel in particular have made an impact on my work, as has Anthony Bourdain’s work, which I suppose all falls into memoir, too. There are so many ways to articulate a blog. Don’t feel that you need to include recipes with every post nor fret about traffic. Be yourself. Make yourself the heroine of your blog! Drop that duck! What people are interested in is connections and feeling that they are there with you.
There is also the memoir with recipes, as I describe my memoir of Morocco with recipes, Mint Tea and Minarets: a banquet of Moroccan memories. It fits both in the food and the travel categories. This affords different venues for sales, since travel and culture are woven into the text.
Hi Kathleen!
Kitty.
I loved that book, Kitty! I LOVED your memoir. And anyone who is reading this thread should buy it and take a look. She follows exactly these points – she’s so darn likeable, there’s tension and great storytelling.
I preserve lemons because of this woman, and my life has never been the same.
So hi right back to you, Kitty!
Kathleen, I don’t think I’ve ever nodded so much while reading a blog post. All your tips are so spot-on – especially what you say about finding an editor and especially what you say about the dangers of the perfect heroine. I just finished my first food-travel memoir, and I had the same problem initially, thinking people wouldn’t want to read about the darker sides of my experience, but it’s so true that the flaws and the missteps and the conflicts are really what make for a great story. I’m going to share your post with everyone I know who’s thinking about writing a memoir, food or otherwise. Thank you for breaking down the crucial components of the process with so much clarity. I’m looking forward to reading your books!
Thanks so much, Layne!
What a resource-rich article this is. So much good advice and a fantastic behind the scenes look at writing any memoir let alone a food-centric one. Leaves me wanting to read a lot more by Kathleen and maybe to embark on writing one myself.
Kathleen
Thanks so much for sharing your tips on food memoir writing. What stood out the most for me was recipes are not filler and the need to make sure they are perfect. Oh how i wish i had that many testers. 🙂
I’ve read this article at least a dozen times. I came back to it again today and gleaned a bit more wisdom I seem to have missed from the previous readings. Thank you Kathleen!
Hi Karista,
Wow, that’s high praise for Kathleen. Good luck with your memoir, Karista. I’m replying in Kathleen’s absence, since the post is an older one.