Humor Writing Contest: Win a Copy of The Sweet Life in Paris

Are you a funny food writer? Let’s see your stuff.

And if you’re not, maybe these funny writing samples below will inspire you. Here are several that have tickled me lately:

1. David Lebovitz has been been honing his offbeat, irreverent humor for years on his blog and in books. A sample from The Sweet Life in Paris: Delicious Adventures in the World’s Most Glorious — And Perplexing — City shows his puzzlement of Parisian hot chocolate:

“Many visitors get a lost, misty-eyed look when describing the ultrathick, steamy chocolate chaud that glops and blurts as it’s poured into dainty white cups…

Me? I can barely swallow the sludge.

You need to clam my mouth closed and massage my neck to get that hyperthick stuff down the hatch– like forcing a dog to swallow a pill. That throat-clogging liquid hits my tummy with a thud and refuses to budge for the rest of the day. I just don’t get its appeal.”

I’d call this example curmudgeonly, in an adorable way. I love the image of someone massaging his neck, and I recognize that “thud” in the belly.

2. Comedian George Carlin, always a crack-up, wrote these gems about restaurant food and waffle irons in Brain Droppings:

“There are certain clues that tell you how much a restaurant will cost. If the word cuisine appears in the advertising, it will be expensive. If they use the word food, it will be moderately priced. However, if the sign says eats, even though you’ll save some money on food, your medical bills may be quite high.”

“I don’t like trendy food. When I hear, ‘sauteed boneless panda groin,’ I know I’m [Read more…]

Winner of the Sensuous Writing Contest

garrett-thumb-500xautoThanks to everyone brave enough to enter my sensuous writing contest, which ended a week ago tonight. It takes courage to post a piece of writing and to have it examined by all who read it. I appreciate the work of every single one of you, and found delightful writing in each.

I was swept away by evocative images from all over the world, including: the pudding-like consistency of ricotta, a spoon that smelled like the cedars of Lebanon, plump twists of pasta, rhythmic plunges and dips of a paddle, pebble-sized pieces of pork fat, almond meal as fine as sand, a pillow of hot dough burning through paper, the first burst of peach juice, a jade fringe of lettuce, chai in a fragile clay cup, soup the color of Georgia O’Keefe’s desert…I could go on and on, but why not read the samples yourself and find your own favorites?

To select the winner, I printed out the writing samples and highlighted [Read more…]

Writing Contest: How Sensuous Can You Be?

In the wee hours on Saturday, I’m taking off for the first Food Blogger Camp at Club Med Ixtapa Pacific, Mexico. I’ll be teaching a class on Writing with the Senses, and looking for a few good laughs if people write over-the-top pornographic examples.

There might also be magical prose like this:

k7252-47  “The crust is as crunchy as a butter cookie, so brittle that it cracks audibly when you press it with your fork; grains of cinnamon sugar bounce off the [Read more…]