You have a friend with more followers than you on Twitter. Another blogger gets more comments than you on her blog. Your friend who wrote a cookbook got nominated for an award.
You read the bios of food bloggers and food writers online, and feel envy about how much media attention they get, or whom they write for, or how clever they are. Or you spend hours on Facebook and Twitter, admiring how some writers craft a witty sentence, and seeing how many “Likes” and comments and RTs they get.
Then you try to comment but you find you don’t have anything brilliant to say. And then you get mad because you’re supposed to spend time in social media, building followers and having conversations and leaving comments, but you’re spending too much time on it and not getting any writing done.
And what does this get you?
Exactly.
Just in case you’re wondering, I compare too. I compare myself to other speakers, other teachers, other coaches, other writers. I read beautiful writing and I realize I am never going to be that talented. I doubt myself.
Comparing is evil. But it’s normal too. I try not to let it crush me. When it does I can’t write anything because I am too busy beating myself up.
Fortunately, the moment passes. I tell myself there is always someone doing better than me, but I am doing better than lots of other people. It’s still a comparison and it’s silly, but it calms me. Then I redirect myself to what matters: crafting the best possible book, blog or article I can, remembering that I love what I do, and that I am fortunate to even get to do it.
These thoughts came up when I read a provocative blog post from My Mezzaluna, sent to me by Arva from I Live in a Frying Pan. I’ll leave you with passage from the blogger, Edwina Cottino, who wrote this in the comments:
“After falling apart for a while and questioning myself and all my abilities the one thing that brings sanity is to stay true to yourself and keep in mind why you are doing this in the first place. Many want to find fame and fortune through blogging and photography, and many do. Most don’t. My feeling is if you follow your passion it will pay off in some shape or form eventually. Perhaps only to give you pleasure. Just as digital photography has suddenly turned millions into photographers, so blogging has given many of us the opportunity to be published, even if our work is only seen by those who follow us.
To stay happy and content with ourselves we absolutely must never compare ourselves to others. We all have something different and unique and for me, being the square peg in the round hole, fits. The moment I begin trying to fit in with what everybody else is doing I start to stress. Thank you to all of you for confirming to me that doing something that has value is more important than being famous.”
Amen sister. We all go through this questioning from time to time. Just yesterday I just sent an email to a food blogger, a former client, who hasn’t posted for months, and asked what’s going on. “It’s complicated,” was the answer. It always is.
(Photo by IdeaGo on Freedigitalphotos.net)
Welcome to my blog. Whether you're an aspiring or accomplished food writer, you'll find posts and comments about blogging, recipe writing, cookbooks, craft, finding agents or publishers, writing trends, and interviews with food writing luminaries. Please join the conversation! For more about me, Dianne Jacob, see 
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I, too, am so guilty of this on a multitude of levels. And it frustrates me to no end! And it’s not just with work, it’s also with mothering, homemaking, exercise, you name it! Thanks so much for saying it in such a nice way!
Oh you’re welcome, Gayle. I get frustrated too. It’s human.
This is soo true. I wish I could stay out of the comparison thing as it frustrates me to no end whatsoever. I love what I do and that should be all that matters. Thanks for writing this!
You’re welcome. I suppose it would be good if we could just research and observe, rather than compare. I can always aspire!
The old saying, “Things are rarely as they seem.” comes to mind here. I have to ask myself what is the truth about a situation that is giving me the “comparison” blues.
Take comments, for example. Many of the comments may be replies from the author (nothing wrong with that, by the way). On popular blogs, most comments are by other bloggers which could be an indication of how much time the author spends on social media or visiting other blogs (and that may not be how you choose to spend your time). Or perhaps it’s a blog that seems to be a good place to leave one’s calling card. I’ve done that in the past but not necessarily because I loved the blog.
This exercise brings me back to reality and inspires me to remember my own priorities regarding blogging.
And to you, Diane, your replies are a model of graciousness and thoughtful affirmation. I come here to learn from you as much as I enjoy reading your posts.
You are sweet. I’m just pointing out what we all do, but rarely talk about. Re comments, it’s hard for me to say because I write for bloggers and food writers, so I’m thrilled if they comment.
Thank you for bringing up another thing that sets me back. I get so excited about a “brilliant” idea I’ve thought of but don’t follow through. When I see that someone has written or done something along that subject I chastise myself for not getting it out soon enough. Eventually I emerge from my den of disappointment to sit back, lick my wounds and remind myself that there are many approaches to write about a subject matter and that there is STILL room for my voice to be heard. I just NEED TO PUT IT OUT THERE! So that is going to be my mantra- written in BOLD letters- GET IT OUT THERE !
Thanks for creating a community where I can read about others experiencing the same questions, frustrations.
Oh boy. I can relate to this one. But the thing is, everything seems to be a take on something that has already been done. If not, how would US magazines come up with yet another turkey cover for the November issue, or how could a cookbook justify yet another recipe for a chocolate chip cookie?
There’s always a new way to approach it. That’s the challenge.
Thanks for your candor, Dianne. I too get sucked into comparing myself to others I hear and read about. I try to remind myself something I heard at Greenbriar, which is to just focus on putting out good content and not get caught up in the rest of it.
Yes, that’s the point, isn’t it? Not getting all caught up in what everyone else is doing. Good advice.
I finally had a chance to sit down and read this…it’s a wonderfully thoughtful reflection on Edwina’s post, and thank you for the mention. I’m so impressed with the level of honesty and self-reflection that your readers who’ve left you comments have engaged in. It’s just one of those things that anyone starting out with a food blog…or even long-time bloggers…should read and think about, because it’s so easy to let excessive comparing and competition snatch the fun out of something you’re so passionate about.
I hope blogging continues to be one of those things that I do just because I love it so, and if other things come along because of it, so be it. Your post and Edwina’s are ones I’ll come back to down the line, to remind myself of just that.
Lovely to hear from you, and thanks again for sending the post from Edwina on to me. The comments here are awesome, I agree. It takes a lot to admit, in print, that we’re not perfect. Now we just have to get back to writing what we love, and keeping focused on that.
As always, thoughtful and insightful. Dianne, you never fail to deliver a quality product!
Oh thanks Jane. I wrote this one rather quickly because I had such an emotional response to Edwina’s post. That happens so rarely. You probably know exactly what I mean.
Love this! And thank you for the post. I’m unfortunately close to a couple of “local to me” bloggers who thrive on one-ups-manship, bragging, in your face name dropping …. I think you get the picture. Does seem to get under my skin at times.
Yuck. None of that is conducive to having a good professional association with those folks. I hope you can ignore them often.
My insecurity stems from low resolution pictures and sometimes I think I have no business having a blog, since I don’t have the fancy or high tech doodads, or even much of the “good life”. I have to wait for broad daylight to take pictures and I have to do it outside where our garden doesn’t always provide a good backdrop. allI know about editing pictures is by using microsoft picture editor – you know brightness and contrast and crop – that’s it! I’m just glad I have pageviews! I write for the people who click, I get embarrassed when I see my pageview go up which means people visited and I haven’t posted anything new. I enjoy writing though and I hope somebody gets something useful out of my long posts. I do wonder about comments, I don’t get many, but one friend said its because I wrote “be kind when you comment”. I wonder if it meant they can’t be, hahaha.
I don’t think it’s because of that. To get comments you need to decide you’re going to have a certain kind of blog, one that involves your readers or causes them to respond. Certainly not all food blogs fall into this category. Common themes are “look what I made” or “look what I ate” which don’t necessarily elicit comments.
Thanks Dianne! Like everyone else, I am happy to meet online such a generous and encouraging blogger : )
Dianne,
Thank you for this wonderful “counseling” session. Oftentimes, the best way to be pulled out of a struggle is to realize you are not alone in it. I join in with my fellow commenters to thank you for being so real. And I am now going to tape the Edwina’s quote to my forehead.
Grateful to you,
Ginny
Ha. Thanks Ginny. We all need these reminders from time to time — pretty much everyone, whether they’re willing to admit it or not.
Thank you so much for writing this. I think the comparison trap is one of the reasons I sometimes wonder whether I should stop blogging. It is so easy to forget the original reasons you started and get caught up on what you haven’t accomplished and who seems to be doing better than you are. And even more irksome, there sometimes seems to be no good reason for their popularity vis a vis your own. It’s one of those things that no matter how big you are (and I certainly am not) there seem to be no shortage of ways to convince yourself you fall short.
Honestly, it’s no different than what most of us experience in other aspects of our life. Except, that while you might guess your neighbor makes more than you or colleague is climbing the latter more quickly, you don’t have as many data points publicly as you do with blogging. With blogging it’s far too easy to see those hard #’s you point to above.
Yes, it is easy to get frustrated and wonder why you’re doing it. You just have to stop wondering why someone else is more popular/successful than you and concentrate on your own work. Or figure out how to get ahead: one blogger who hired me a while ago was advertising on Facebook and was up to 12,000 followers on her fan page!
This is a wonderful post! I’ve been food blogging for almost a year and I find myself comparing myself to other blogs and websites all the time. The best I can do is take inspiration from other sites, and maybe make some contacts along the way, instead of just being envious of their talents.
That’s the spirit! Definitely the best you can do. You can also compare in the sense of seeing what they are doing and whether there’s anything they can adapt for your own blog.
This is so great, thank you for these wonderful words. Learning to not compare ourselves to one another is a life long lesson and I need to be reminded of it a lot.
Me too! Thanks for saying so, Caitlin.
Hi, Dianne,
Just signed up for email updates of your blog because I can see from this post that yours is an honest voice of wisdom and I would do well to learn from you. Maybe I haven’t been blogging long enough to hit a dry patch, but, as a life-long writer, I have found that the way to get over writer’s block is just to keep writing. Stream-of-conciousness putting down of whatever comes to mind keeps the words flowing and then the ideas pop up like magic and I can take that one nugget, trash the rest and keep going!
Looking forward to reading more of your valuable nuggets! Thank you.
Stacy
Thanks for signing up, Stacy. I’m glad to read that you keep writing, no matter what. No writer’s block for you!
Thanks for the link!
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