When Someone Dumps My Blog: The 7 Signs of Grieving

Apr 182011
 

The email announces, “Unsubscribe Notification.”

When I open it, it says only that “(email address) has unsubscribed from Will Write for Food.”

There is no checking of boxes. I want more clues. I want “I am dumping you because:

  • You suck
  • I’m too busy to waste time reading your blog
  • Both of the above.”

That would help me. Really. Instead, an unsubscribe notice sends me through the Seven Signs of Grieving:

1. Shock: Who dumped me? The email address is undecipherable. Fortunately for the reader, I have no idea, even though I sometimes try to figure it out.

2. Denial:  I decide not to read email for the rest of the day. It feels great! I spend my spare time cutting out paper snowflakes and looking for four-leaf clovers.

3. Bargaining. One time I recognized the email. It was a  famous food writer. I considered forwarding the “Unsubscribe” notice to her with a note that said, “Hey, did you know that I can see this? How are you? Sorry we haven’t been in touch lately.” Instead, I told a few other bloggers she had unsubscribed. Uncomfortable silence followed.

4. Guilt. Do I really suck? I try to figure out why. My record of four unsubscribes in one day came from a post on the Huffington Post’s Food section. But last week I got two unsubscribe requests from a post about funny writing.

5. Anger. I speak sternly to my cat. “Surely you appreciated my last post,” I say loudly. I go on Facebook and look up how many fans other bloggers have.

6. Depression. I stare at past posts and wonder if I’m a narcissist. I fill the bathtub with hot chocolate and try to drown myself.

7. Acceptance and hope. Finally, I put on my adult voice and tell myself it’s not personal, that sometimes readers just want a break, want to try something new, or feel overwhelmed. I tell myself that if I ever unsubscribed from the blogs I read (not that I can because I’m terrified that they would recognize my email), that would be why.

Number 7 is my strategy, now that I’m used to getting the occasional “unsubscribe.”  If you’re a blogger, what’s yours?

(Photo courtesy of FreedigitalPhotos.net, by Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot)

  109 Responses to “When Someone Dumps My Blog: The 7 Signs of Grieving”

  1. Sometimes people come to realize they prefer getting post notifications via RSS feeds and therefore remove themselves from an email subscription in order to prevent getting duplicates. At least that’s what I tell myself.

    • This is the reason why I remove myself from email subscriptions. They clog my inbox that I tend to overlook email from friends, family and work. I move most of my subscriptions to RSS because I can group them and it’s easier for me to read.

      • Well, I’m old-fashioned, I guess. I read my email more than my browser page that has the RSS on it, so I like to give people the option. But I agree, it’s an easy way to go.

    • Oh that is a good one. I will tell myself that next time.

  2. Or…I plan on dumping a LOT of blogs soon for the sole purpose of setting up a new email just for RSS and resubscribing. So you have to remember some of those are just admin duties on the part of your reader. I have also occasionally subscribed with two different email addresses; when I realize why I see that post twice every time…I finally go and unsubscribe from one.

    That being said…it’s never bothered me when it happens because I know from my own habits that it’s never personal. I’ve done it when I realize I’m just not reading that person’s post so why get them at all or if I realize the type of posts just aren’t my style and unsubscribe because there is no sense in cluttering my inbox. In all of these cases, it’s really not personal and never once have I thought that someone on the other end would be affected!

    • Administrative duties! That sounds like such a non-judgemental reason to dump me. I like it.

      I must say, Barbara, you are remarkably well adjusted for a writer.

  3. You get an unsubscribe notification? I have Feedburner to manage my blog subscriptions; I wonder if my unsubscribe notification is turned off. Oh well. Ignorance is bliss :-)

    In any case, blog readers come and go all the time. Sometimes they get tired of you, or tired of waiting for your next post. My blog subscriber count (according to Feedburner) fluctuates at around 1K. Some days it’s above and some days it’s below. I’m not going to take it too hard if it’s within the normal range of flux.

    • Nate – I believe the daily subscriber count fluctuations according to Feedburner are not due to people subscribing and unsubscribing; they have to do with the use of a stand-alone feed reader versus the use of a web-based feed reader.

    • Oh yes, it is better not to know. I will have to look into whether I can turn mine off. Thanks for the tip, Nate.

      • In FeedBurner, select your feed then click on the Publicize tab. Click on Email Subscriptions, then Subscription Management. Find the Subscriber Management section at the bottom of the page and uncheck “Send me an email whenever people unsubscribe”

        Bliss!

    • Yes, Leela is right: Feedburner numbers fluctuate depending simply on how many are active during a small period of time; I freaked out too until a friend sent me a link from Feedburner explaing this fluctuation.

  4. Dianne – at least you had followers to begin with! There are some of us that don’t even get that far. And yes, you are right. Sometimes the subject matter of a blog changes, or the subject interests of a follower change, or they just get bogged down in email and RSS feeds and decide to bail on the whole lot. Some of us follow blogs for the scintillating conversations that occur within the comments and if a blogger changes the format or the subject matter, the result changes also.
    All in all, when one goes usually another two or three fill in the space. Things are always in motion – at least you know someone was reading enough to know that they didn’t belong here!
    Karen

    • Karen, I don’t think it matters how many you have if readers still dump you. But I love all the reasons you give, and the notion that others will fill in the space.

  5. I try to come up with funny reasons. For example, was it a coincidence that someone whose address includes the moniker “Patriot” unsubscribed when I referred to factory farming, or that a mega-church pastor fell away when I used the word covet in a post? If I ever feel desperate over it, your bathtub full of hot chocolate sounds pretty good. Well, except the drowning part. That was quite funny. Thank you.

    • You are welcome. Wouldn’t it be a great way to go? But probably it’s more sane to come up with funny justifications, as you have done.

  6. Four in a day? That’s more than everyone who reads my blog in total (not including my cat, who always appreciates my posts and laughs heartily).

    I subscribe to blogs I think I’m interested in, but sometimes they turn out to not interest me. Or they have stories about their children.

    I really think you shouldn’t feel bad. The great thing about this big media world is we can be very “nichy” in what we consume, so it stands to reason that a blog may fit an interest for a short time and then it passes. I would bet it’s nothing personal 99% of the time.

    I recently unsubscribed to just about everyone on my Twitter feed. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings!

    • You’re pretty funny, Sarah. At least you can tell when your cat likes your posts. Mine does not respond.

  7. The only ones that really frustrates me are the “if you follow me, I’ll follow you” drops. I subsribe to enough blogs that I really enjoy and enrich my life in some way. I do NOT need to follow a blog about where to find the best deal on diapers because my youngest child is 6, and I have NOOOO intention of having more. It’s frustrating that sometimes people get caught up in the numbers game and follow or don’t follow for the wrong reasons.

    • Agreed. Life is too short to read someone droning on about stuff that doesn’t interest you. Or to read someone’s post just because you feel obligated.

  8. Oh man, don’t drown in chocolate. Though I guess if you had to go… Kidding. The solution is just not to look at this stuff. Every time you think, oh what did this person say or do? Just think of the time you’ve wasted that could have been spent eating something wonderful, or writing something beautiful. Life is too short to care about such things.

    • You say I could have been eating all during the time I wasted wallowing in self-pity? What was I thinking? That is a beautiful idea, Ken. Easier than writing.

  9. Very cute post, Dianne :) I don’t get unsubscribe notices. So far I’ve had two people email me asking me to unsubscribe them (which I can’t because they never tell me how they’re subscribed and because I don’t control the subscriptions anyway). I’m not aware of who or how many unsubscribe and to be honest, I just don’t care. That’s an incredibly freeing feeling – to not care. At the end of the day (at the end of my life) none of that matters to me :) xo

  10. Like Jen, I don’t get unsubscribe notices either and had no idea they even existed. I do feel your pain, though. A couple of months ago, a very big blogger added my blog to her blogroll. I became ridiculously giddy about it. Like it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me or something. I got a bunch of traffic from it which was nice, but mostly I was just happy she felt my blog was worth the read. And then. One day, I noticed there was no more traffic to my blog from her site. GASP! I checked and confirmed my suspicions that she’d removed me from her blogroll. For a couple of minutes I was all bummed. Smacking myself on the head: “why’d I post about X? She must hate X?!” But then I came to my senses, put on my big girl panties (which I believe is the equivalent of you using your adult voice) and got over it…because it really just doesn’t matter.

  11. If you get subscribe notices too, then likely you’ll have plenty to balance out! I typically get multiple subscribes a day, then a few unsubscribes every time I send out a newsletter. (Talking about emailed newsletters, not RSS feed subscriptions.) I know to expect them as soon as I send out a newsletter. I’d much rather they unsubscribe than report my newsletter as spam, which some do despite it being a double opt-in list.

    I do like it when the unsubscribes give me feedback so I try to do the same when I unsubscribe. Some are neutral (“changing emails” being a common one), others let me know they’re looking for something different, typically vegan or diabetic or some other niche due to recent changes in their eating habits.

  12. People are changing the way they read websites and some are using their Twitter streams (where people announce when they’ve updated their site, or set up dedicated Twitter streams to give updates) to follow various blogs and other things they read online. There’s also things like Flipboard for the iPad and other devices for online reading that people are using nowadays.

    (And Sarah is right, that people’s tastes change – and with the internet, as your interests shift, you can continually customize and shape your own experience.)

  13. Unsubscribed, unfollowed, Unliked… I always assume it’s because of something that I did. It also gets to me when someone subscribes and never bothers to verify the account. Why do I look???

  14. I get stuck at step 1: who was that person? The email is generally undecipherable, as you say. But since I don’t know who it is, I don’t care very much that they’ve stopped reading the mailing list I send out. Or maybe they left town. Oh well, time to check if any of my favorite blogs have updated. (It’s always time to check that :-)

  15. wait, I don’t sent out a mailing list. It’s a listserv / newsletter-thing which goes out to the mailing list….

  16. My first “please unsubscribe” was a shock, I felt as if I, as a person, had been rejected.
    The second one was motivated and polite, that was easier for me to get over it.
    The third? I just remember I answered “OK, thanks for having followed my blog!”
    And that was and will be from now on.
    Because :
    1. Maybe it has nothing to do with ME, and maybe not even with my blog : I’ve myself unsubscribed many lists (and stopped following many Twitters accounts and deleted many Rss feeds on my Netvibes reader and I plan to close my FB account) recently, not because I don’t like the blogs, oh no, but because
    * choice a : I already follow the blogger on Twitter (or FB or my Netvibes reader) so I know when he/she posts, and 1 source is enough
    * choice 2 : I need to unclutter in many many ways, so I unsubscribed not “against” the blogger but for my own sake. Don’t you all get so much more mails than what’s confortable? Hey, life is not behind a screen :)

    2. Maybe it has everything to do with my blog, which the unsubscriber dos not like, and maybe it has even to do with me! Maybe the unsubscriber feels I’m a stupid despisable and whatever other terrible things woman?
    But, wait… : SO WHAT??? As long as the unsubscriber is neither my husband (no risk, he hasn’t even subscribed and certainly doesn’t even know he could :)) or my very very close (and therefore few) friends!

    • I second all of your reasons here – it could be personal, it could be totally random! Also, often people subscribe after they read one certain post and hope all the following are (similar/on topic/meet their expectations of what your site is) – it doesn’t mean they really understood your aim. :)

      I had unsubscribe notifications turned on only for a short while, and then I decided it wasn’t worth knowing. Would you rather have 5 lurkers unsubscribe and 1 commenter subscribe? I would. I say turn off the unsubscribe notifications – you’ll feel better and concentrate on those that stuck around.

      • Yes! Yes! Yes! I will find that button and turn it off. I will be satisfied with knowing I got a blog post out of it, at the very least.

    • You have gone through all the signs of grieving and come out the other end, Flo. Congratulations! Consider yourself cleansed.

      • Thanks for the congrats Dianne :)
        Sara, I’ve still to take the time to figure how to let subscribers unsubscribe by themselves, without my having to do it for them and therefore knowing it. I have to find the adequate widget but don’t even bother too…

  17. I’m so damn sunny. I always figure they don’t want their email inbox jammed up and they already click on my blog twice a week anyway. This was very disturbing. There could be another reason?

    • There are lots of other reasons, but best not to dwell on them. I will practice being “so damn sunny.” Good idea.

  18. Now I am glad I don’t get those email notifications!

  19. I have realized as my blog has grown over the years, the more subscribers I have the more “unsubscription” notices I get after I post. It’s still tough to take. But a lesson learned on having my feelings hurt when someone unsubscribes: last year, I got an “unsubscribe” notice and I recognized the e-mail as a friend of mine. I couldn’t believe she unsubscribed because she claimed to love my recipes and food photography. I didn’t say a thing about it, my feelings were so hurt. A few days later, she sent an e-mail to all of her friends saying that she had to change her e-mail because it had gotten hacked or something. Then I noticed her new e-mail address in my new subscription list. So then I felt bad for assuming the worst.

    Lesson learned.

  20. The first time I got an “unsubscribed”, I couldn’t believe that someone didn’t want to read my blog anymore! It was a bit of a leveller. I don’t take it personally, though.
    Of course, it helps that I do get a lot more “subscribed” notices than “unsubscribed” ones so that keeps me going. :)
    I would like to know the real reason why my readers unsubscribe but mostly the reasons are “others/ refuse to say”, though the occasional “irrelevant” comes through.
    Last week I got someone who unsubscribed because of “too many updates”! Now this one’s a joke because I used to post once every 3 days but now I’m happy if I can post once every 5 days!! :D

    • So your program allows people to say why they unsubscribed. People aren’t going to give the real reason! That is what you found out. Better to appreciate the people who do enjoy your blog.

      • I use Feedblitz and I get notices in my mailbox everytime someone subscribes or unsubscribes (with whatever reason they check out of a list).
        Yeah, I understand people would like to be diplomatic. I’m happy that there are people who enjoy what I cook and write. :)

  21. Dianne,

    Darn, I’m sorry you missed your April 17th humor writing deadline because you could have won with this post! =) Of course, that would have looked as though you tampered with the results, but this is funny writing.

    And seriously — 4 people unsubscribing after a Huff Post piece is absolutely NOTHING. Considering how many people probably read that post, you have nothing to grieve about. I do such diverse and odd posts that I definitely see a pattern with my unsubscribe emails. I know when I annoy people, but such is life. You can’t please everyone. I just manually unsubscribe them and get on with it. I have unsubscribed from many blogs that I actually like just because I get too many emails. I have a few bookmarked or follow the person on Facebook or Twitter and just don’t need the emails.

    Have you read the Four Agreements? I actually reflect back on those (especially 2 and 3) when I’m feeling down about something I have no control over. This “unsubscribe” situation might be a good example of that.

    2. Don’t take anything personally (nothing others do is because of you).
    3. Don’t make assumptions.

    Anyway, good points to ponder. I love your blog for a variety of reasons, but I just might unsubscribe someday, especially if I move you up to bookmark bar status. I have 3 favorite science blogs featured on my menu bar so I can refer to them often whether they publish a new post or not. I don’t need an email reminder. So you see, it could mean something good if a person unsubscribes. =)

    Love, love, love your blog.
    Melissa

    • Melissa, it was so much fun to write that post, and I’m glad it gave you a good laugh and you took time to say so. Thank you.

      I really have moved on, but it took a while. Number 2 and 3 above are timeless, good advice. And if I see your name on an unsubscribe someday (if I haven’t turned it off), I promise to not take it personally.

    • Amen to that, Melissa! I’m a firm believer that it’s never, EVER personal. Ever. (Although sometimes I forget it.)

  22. I think you’re way ahead of me in any case, as I don’t even know how to find out who unsubscribed!! ;)

  23. Ha-Ha-Ha. I’m glad I’m not in this alone!

  24. Dianne, Thank you for such an honest and real post. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. Unfortunately, writers get a lot of rejection and it hurts. Every time! I appreciate that you, too, are as afflicted by this bedeviling dilemma as the rest of us mortals.

    Your post reminded me of a wonderful zen story that goes something like this: a monk is rowing his boat in the fog. Suddenly, a boat appears out of nowhere and approaches, faster and faster, until it hits the monk’s boat. The monk stands up, shakes his fist and shouts insults. How dare you? A few moments later, the fog lifts and the monk sees that the boat is empty.

    There are a lot of empty boats out there in cyberland, and we don’t know much about them. We do our best work, put it out there, and leave the rest. At least, that’s my philosophy. Without fail, as soon as I contemplate throwing in the towel, I get a comment or an e-mail from someone who really appreciates something I wrote. I’m trying to let that be enough. Feedback would be nice, but it doesn’t always happen, so my philosophy is to keep at it in the best way possible, and
    try not to pay attention to the rest.

    p.s. I, for one, love reading your blog! If I ever stopped, it would be because I was so discouraged by rejection that I gave up writing and would not want to be reminded of it when your posts arrived in my inbox :)

    • What a great story about the monk, Sally. And as Ken reminded me, I could’ve spent all that time I was feeling sorry for myself eating something wonderful or writing something satisfying. We are such imperfect human beings.

      A salesman once told me the hardest thing about his job was not to be brought down by lack of sales, and not to be elated by a big sale, but to stay somewhere in the middle. Being in the middle seems boring, but it is often the best. So we just keep on going. Please do not be brought down by rejection. No one should have that kind of power over you.

      • You’re so right and I’m not letting myself be brought down. Here’s another zen-ish saying I often repeat in times of rejection: I’ll do my best and the rest in none of my business! There’s a lot to be said for ‘the middle way’!

  25. I’m not that intimate with my follower. But if he did unsubscribe, I’d just chalk it up to, “it’s not me, it’s you.”
    Then I’d dive mouth first into a big chocolate bath. Thanks for being an enabler!

  26. I usually print the notification, then wrap it around a large brick, tie with butcher’s twine and then get in the car and…

    No, not really (though it sometimes helps to visualize it, lol). I usually start at #6 and, if it’s a good day, slip into #7 pretty quickly. If I think it’s related to a specific piece of writing, I go back a re-read all the comments to see if there’s a reason I might have offended someone (though I likely won’t change it.)

    If not, I let it go, and write something new.

    -Perry

  27. My strategy is writing back immediately to the unsubscriber, saying: “I received notice that you have unsubscribed from Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino.
    I’m sad to see you go! Is it something I cooked?
    Should you ever change your mind and wish to receive updates again, please feel free to renew by entering your email address in the FeedBurner Email Subscription form.
    Ciao.”

    Too nagging?

    • Hmmm. Hadn’t thought of this approach.

      No, I think it’s quite polite, but I am not sure that it will make a difference. I would take out “Is it something I cooked?” because it sounds defensive, and that is not your intention.

  28. Whoa! I’m glad I didn’t know this information was available. It’s bad enough when my good friends ask me if I’m still blogging because they haven’t looked in a long time.

  29. Your post made me subscribe. Does that help? Sometimes it all balances out.

  30. Gosh Dianne am I being Polly Anna to suggest ‘why put yourself through all that? Don’t get the notifications!’. Since there is no data to be gained and people flit between things for so many reasons, it seems to me the mere overall numbers are all we can monitor. It DOES seem so personal, though I’m sure it’s not, so I vote for staying the course, staying true to ones writing voice and watching the overall trends instead of minute details. It’s like trying to lose weight and weighing oneself every 2 hours vs. once a week.

    I’ll close by pledging, I’ll never dump you! I relish each email and look forward to the next!

    • Blogging is so worth it to get a testimonial like that. Thank you so much. You are right, of course. So much wasted energy, as you and others have pointed out. You would think that now that I’m in my 50s I would figure stuff like this out.

  31. Diane, I’m so glad you’ve broached this subject. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know they unsubscribed because it just frustrates me and I can’t do anything about it.

    In all fairness however, I’ve unsubscribed to blogs when I’m going on a long vacation and don’t want to fill up my mail box. I’ve also unsubscribed when I decided to follow the blog. There can be many reasons people unsubscribe and not necessarily that they don’t like your content. I wish there was a box where a reader could fill out saying why they no longer wanted to receive posts by email. Perhaps Feedburner would welcome your comments and suggestions.

    The ones that frustrate me are the ones that sign up to subscribe but never verify their subscription. Seems they lost interest before they saw the first email.
    Sam

    • Oh that is sad, Sam. You lose them before they even start reading. No way to know what that is about. I’m sure people don’t know they’ve been torturing us. So the best solution is not to be tortured. I am reminded of a Buddhist saying I read that has always stayed with me: “Suffering is optional.” Maybe not if you’re being held at GitMo, but for the rest of us, definitely.

  32. You crack me up! Thanks for my giggle for the day.

  33. And for what it’s worth, I turned those email off!

  34. Thanks for the laugh. I really need to turn off my email notification. Sometimes I write (what I think is) a really great post, and I get notifications that people unsubscribed. WTF? And it really does *hurt* when I recognize the email. All tongue in cheek of course, but I do get a little bummed out when people decide they don’t like me anymore. :(

    • Well of course, that is NOT what they decided, dear Lori, for what is there not to like about your blog? We are all too sensitive. Turn off your notification!

  35. I believe I have managed to shake off most of the unwanted baggage (I have found it quite enjoyable to retain my fondness for a drink) that my Irish Catholic upbringing saddled me with, although the nuns did a bloody good job when it came to instilling lasting feelings of guilt. To this day I have problems looking a nun in the eye – although with the dearth of Catholic clergy in this country it is not something I have to deal with too often.
    My default position for most unpleasant/unwanted/ occurrences is to assume that it is my responsibility in some way – I have obviously failed as a person and subsequently brought down this (insert issue here) upon myself.
    When I was excitedly watching my subscriber numbers grow, in the early days of my blog, it naively never occurred to me that some of them might change their minds – so the first “unsub” notice was a dreadful shock. I agonised over what to do – should I write to them, send flowers, apologise, was this the beginning of a mass exodus? I was utterly pathetic and felt sorry for myself for days. I’ve toughened up somewhat now, but still struggle with a niggling feeling that I have let someone down whenever I get an unsub – even though I’ve unsubscribed from others blogs myself!
    Of course, when I rationalise things I’m aware that there are many reasons for unsubscribing and not all of them revolve around me!

    • That is the key, Amanda. Read all the other reasons people have given here for why they might unsubscribe. It is not your fault at all.

  36. And it’s the same with Twitter– or even more of a slap in the face– when someone you *thought* your were pretty good buddies with decides to stop following you. Ouch!

  37. I long ago turned off the notification feature for unsubscribes. As you stated, you don’t any insight from them, so… Ignorance is bliss :)

  38. Dianne – I am just realizing that I don’t subscribe to blogs! It was reading Melissa’s comments that the light bulb went on. You are bookmarked – I don’t subscribe because you are right up there at the top of my screen. And I read some posts more than just that one first time. I come back to see who is commenting and what they are saying. So being a subscriber would be a handicap for me – I’d rather skip the email and just click on your Bookmark as many times a day as I want to. So there you go – maybe a lot of those subscribers just changed the way they “do blogs.” Now let’s hope they don’t tell you how many times each of us scrolls down the comments!
    Karen

    • Karen, what a pleasure to read this from you. Thank you. I also read lots of blogs to which I am not subscribed, but I do not bookmark them. Interesting idea. And yes, the comments are often the best part of my posts.

  39. Hi Dianne,

    My heart goes out to you when reading this post because I have been exactly there–and I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Thank you for being so open with your readers to actually tell us about this experience.

    I think one of your readers had a good point when she wrote that people are probably moving over to RSS rather than really not desiring to read your blog, though. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to read it; it’s wonderful and I always find it so informative. Apparently I’m not the only one– look at the 70 comments so far on this post alone! I barely get that many on a knock-out recipe on my blog or on my facebook page where readers are much more engaged, so that should tell you something about all your hard work.

    Thanks again for all you do.

    • I thought I was the only one who felt this way, so it’s great to hear this from you, Yvonne.

      Thank you so much. Please don’t compare your food blog to mine. I don’t do recipes, but what I like is a good discussion. That is not the point of most food blogs.

  40. WOW Dianne,

    This post is a great success. I guess it is the best revenge for the “chutzpah” of unsubscribers? I still like the best Number 6. What a way to go!

    Jayne

  41. Dianne,
    If it is any consolation, I have unsubscribed from a couple of blogs in recent weeks and I felt slightly guilty for turning my back on them. It wasn’t that they were bad or poorly written, but more that they were just not speaking to me in the way I wanted them to anymore and there is only so much material I can manage to read at one time.

    But also too, look at it from a different angle – you might lose some but you also gain some – I am a fairly new subscriber to your site and I am really enjoying it…..

    • Oh good Kate. I’m happy to gain you, particularly because you took the time to comment. In fact, according to Google analytics, half of my monthly readers are new every month. Not sure what to make of that statistic, but welcome.

  42. I absolutely love this post! I remember you posting in a comment about those unsubscribers and how shocked and confused you seemed. But I am so glad that you turned it around and were able to think through and jot down these steps and with such humor! I am also impressed that you stopped to notice when they unsubscribed (after which post). I have only had 2 or 3 unsubscribe emails and they did come clumped together but I didn’t stop to try and figure out what blog post could have spurred on their decisions. Maybe I was too dazed and confused! But I agree that it is so important never to take anything personally and we must always remember how many people subscribe for each unsubscribe! I think each of us are just stilled thrilled when our subscribers go up!

    And my strategy? I just return and read through several positive comments left by bloggers who appreciate what I am putting on my blog and remind myself that I do have friends.

    • Thank you Jamie. Yes, that discussion on an earlier post about unsubscribers led me to write a whole post on the subject. Good memory!

      Your strategy is the right one. We need to appreciate all the kind comments and keep moving forward.

  43. This isn’t a feature I turn on. It would drive me insane. From time to time I get a manual request for removal from the list, and sometimes I inquire. The reasons vary a great deal on why someone wants to subscribe. I don’t think this is something you can take personally. As long as the rate of subscribing is higher than the rate of attrition that’s a compliment. Also realize that each year a percentage of email address go stale, people change email addresses all of the time.

    • I am not sure if an unsubscriber is someone who changed an address, Stephanie. I recently changed servers and notice that one blog I subscribed to didn’t come along. That is fine because I was getting tired of it anyway. But I did not manually unsubscribe. Could it just be a dead email, as you say?

      If you enquire, do you think you will get a real answer? I don’t think most people would be willing to say.

      • I think according to constant contact they feel about 15-18% of email addresses go stale every year. So that means people abandon email addresses with regularity. Some systems will unsubscribe those email addresses when they continually return error messages.

        People do let you know what they are thinking, but typically it is only the passionate ones. They may tell you they changed their email address, they may tell you, that you produce lousy content. It’s not the majority that you are going to get the response from, those are the responses that you really want.

        • That sounds like a realistic range, Stephanie. And I’m much happier hearing from the passionate larger audience.

  44. You’ve gotten nearly 80 comments on this post – I think you’re doing mighty fine in the blogging business.

    As cleverly as you write droppings should be like water off a duck’s back. You’ve proved yourself.

    Now I’ll request your feed and I promise not to drop. :)

    • Ha ha! Thank you, Maureen. I completely rewrote this post after I found the 7 signs of grieving online. It made more sense to do it as a parody. Otherwise people might think I’m just whining.

  45. I know how you feel. I got my first and felt so bad I really did not know what I did. Now I have lost my blog completely to some error that Google nor blogspot had the decency to help me. There are no people just forums and I am out of 13 months of hard work, recipes and all my followers. Working on a new blog with workspeed and I hope to gain my followers back…how will i be able to find all…I promise never to leave you;}

    • What an awful story! More than a year’s worth of work down the drain? Wow. Congrats on starting over.

      While I appreciate your pledge, Norma, I am going to turn off that notice, so I will not know if you unsubscribe, and it will be okay.

  46. I always tell myself they’ve changed their email address and are unsubscribing the old one. I’ve even tried to see if any of the new subscribes I get that week MIGHT bear a similarity to the one that got away. It’s just another one of the crazy compulsions of blogging. But I NEVER take it out on my cat…:-0

    • That’s a good one, Tori. I never get notifications of new subscribers, nor does it occur to me to check, so maybe I should pay more attention to that than the other.

      Re the cat, he just ignores me. Because he is, after all, a cat.

  47. Do you know about Qwitter, DJ? If not, I’m not sure I should tell you about it. Might send you over the edge. Humbling, for sure.

    • Oh no, no way, Sarah. My support group here told me to unsubscribe from unsubscribe notifications, and I did so. Thanks everyone! No way am I going to replace that act by signing up for Twitter unfollows.

  48. Diane – Reading your post reminded me of why I decided a long time ago not to get the notices of who unsubscribed. I’m very sensitive about “getting dumped.”

    Particularly now with people getting so much e-mail, I know that it may not have anything to do with me or my writing. And, if it was because of something I wrote, I’m not going to “unwrite” it so it’s best if they look elsewhere for their reading.

    Having said that, I do like to make sure I’m writing about things people want to read and I do pay attention to my analytics about which posts get the most readers and feedback.

  49. I’m still so new to this blogging business that I have only had one unsubsriber. However, it taught me a valuable lesson, so I think I am prepared for the ones who may follow. I am not doing this for anyone but me. If I can enrich peoples’ lives by sharing what I love to do. Great. If not. Well, still great. Because it is a hobby and it enriches and challenges me in my life. I guess it is different, when it becomes your livelihood and I totally understand the steps of grief and the need for some sort of explanation. I like the ones I have read so far and I agree with most of them. I would love a dip in that chocolate tub, though.

    • Wel, even if it’s a hobby, it can still hurt your feelings when someone unsubscribes. We writers are sensitive!

  50. OOps. Forgot to include my site. And by the way, I have no plans of unsubscribing to yours. Love it. And love to read all the comments!

  51. 4 unsubscribes from that post! That’s absurd.

    I have a stage that I go through for similar things, like students complaining about my teaching — Go to all my friends and get them to be indignant too. That always makes me feel better.

    • Now that I have read all these responses I’m not clear if all four unsubscribes came because of what I wrote. People have all kinds of reasons, it turns out. I’ve enjoyed all the indignation on this post — just like telling my friends about it.

  52. Dianne,
    I thought of you last week as one of my subscribers UNSUBSCRIBED from my blog. I decided I needed to come back and tell you the story. She added a PS to explain why she ditched me. She had joined BlogLovin’ and was listing all her favorite blogs there. That way you get one notification, not dozens. Or you just check the feed periodically and see who has posted something new. It’s kind of nice not getting the daily barrage of emails.
    Melissa

    • Oh I am so sorry, but this story has a happy ending! It just goes to show that there are multiple reasons, versus just deciding “I suck.”

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